Double Moody

Double potion of moody.. I guess i just lost control on my emotion ..

Well, today suppose to be happy coz i can get to see Jolene in 1Utama. Yet things screwed up!! Went to CHS and help abit and end up helping in upcoming Easter Rally .. and off to 1Utama with Shane. On the way rushing ..Ruey they all actually thought i never go pick Nicholas up (?!) =7 Am I dat kind of person ? I can even run back just to pick some ppl up during the carolling ... Nvm .. no nit bother is the truth or not .. this is just my life ..Welcome the life of ET .. the more nice u try to be, the more dead and more sad u gonna be.

Reached 1Utama .. and KY left .. so now is onli, shane and me the 2 guys. My mood start goin down.. guess i not really happy with what the gals said. Pretty moody .. and just felt like go back straight away. But .. now i claim as .. my self problem. My emotional seriously not stabil at all .. Dats the reason .. I NEVER TALK TO ANYONE .. would will believe that ?? Most of the time i just quiet and walk .. and follow .. even watch show .. =7 dat is so not me .. got wat i mean ? Saw enemy of mine, which the stories is from last time .. around 2001. And .. more angry when saw him ..dun ask me to forgive them like wat the bible says .. if u were me last time, u should noe is hyper hard to do that.

Eat alone, walk alone .. basically that is how i spend my outting .. is more like i am walking alone .. I guess, the gals will think i am weird or maybe I already weird to them. Punches the wall .. which cause not much damage to my hand. Feels better .. yet .. still not stabil. What on earth actually happen to me ??? I can even shouted to my mom all of sudden .. and goin out with frens .. and I got nothing to talk ?!? Even i not even talking to anyone !! Not Talking to Jolene that i like ?!And Not even talking to Ruey or Ee Ling . My day is just bad .. BAD is not enough to explain and express what i feel now.

!Deop myself in #hitz.fm chatroom, incase i got fired up and just kick ppl's asses. That is gonna to make my day more worst.

Sometimes.. i really think that .. did that break make me go like this? Admit that i felt nothing that nite, but i cant deny that i total ok with everything. Looking around .. thinking bout my nitemares, bad memories.. every of them can just stuck me for goin anywhere. I noe i haf to move on, is like what Jolene said. I noe i haf to get rid of everything. Is time for me to gain my self-esteem. But.. is hard. I felf my life is lonely. Looks like i got lots of frens that surround me, but what did i actually need anymore? There is some part that Im not satisfied with it. But i duno which part. Goes to church, is nice to worship and praise God.. is nice to hang around with Church frens .. but once everything comes to the end .. I felt emptiness ..

Millions Dollar Baby is a nice show, that is what i watched .. plain watching, not talking .. no discussing during the show.. (weird me) I really keep myself isolate this time. Neway .. look at da story of the show. Mag seems happy with her achivement with tons ok KOs .. and basically she is a good boxer in the world .. that is wat mention in da movie. But her ending .. is dead, due to cheating from her opponent, she got injured, paralyze, lost 1 leg.. and she beg her trainer to let her die ..

I wont know will i actually become paralyze .. no one can tell. Even if the day has come, i will rather die. Watever ways i want .. watever ways i can do it. I use to be a runner, a sprinter, a soccer player, a badminton player and even a basketball player.. but look now ? What am i now ? Retired from the age of 18 ?! Suffering with tons of injures .. Cant even run properly.. cant even jump alot or sprinting .. not even can play a long game of badminton .. play basketball with no much jumping .. rather dun exercise anymore .. I really want to back to running track, back to court.. back to field and etc etc ..

I love Sprinting, I love cheering ppls up .. I love entertaint ppls .. but the truth is .. I am a clown. Smiley face around, makes ppl laugh with all sorts of lame jokes i can think bout. Wash away the paintings .. i back to myself ..facing myself .. Am a sad lonely clown ..